3. Hard Drive Size
Come ooonnnn, Sony. You can’t be serious with this fucking peashooter hard drive you launched the PlayStation 5 with. After the OS, you leave the player with 667GB of usable space? I didn’t realize the dope was that good in Japan (booking a flight now). And don’t think I didn’t notice, Microsoft, that you’ve stocked the Series X with soda, leftovers, and 802GB. Excellent. That’s just enough space to load the Godfather trilogy and half of Nickelback’s discography.
Silver linings, man.
2. Nintendo’s Online Service
The Switch gets a pass on the hard drive size. Obviously. But with how badly I’m about to bury Nintendo’s online service, it’ll wish it hadn’t. Because it’s baffling that in 2021, Nintendo continues to peddle the biggest piece of shit in all of gaming. For $20 a year, you’ll have access to such astounding features as:
No Voice Chat
No Game Invites
Friend Codes (lmao)
Slow as Balls Connection Speeds
Certainly No Trophies
Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. I know people love having access to their NES and SNES libraries, and Tetris 99 requires a subscription, so you’re kind of stuck with getting it. But if that’s the case, can we at least try to get Nintendo Online to a point where it doesn’t piss me off every time I use it?
1. Shady Developer/Producer Practices
If you worked on a certain basketball game last year or maybe a game that involved officially licensed fighters in sanctioned MMA contests, you know what you fucking did. Oh, and there was another little diddy that – after nearly a decade of promises – released on consoles for everybody to find it didn’t work. It was some sort of game about becoming a robot but also having a massive penis.
What I’m getting at is this: If you’re trying to cook the books by delaying your shitty, shameless cash-grabs until after the reviews come out, you can go kiss your sister. Unskippable advertisements forced into a game we paid full price for? A game released with the powers-that-be knowing full well that it doesn’t work on the very consoles it had been marketed on? What a dangerous fucking trend of shitty business practices.
With that being said, I’d probably do it too if it meant I could sleep on a bed of money.
Bonus. The Console Shortage
Can we get some fucking PS5s in stock? Please?
Thank you for keeping it locked on COGconnected.