It’s 2021 and These Things in Gaming Need to Fucking Change
It’s going to be an exciting year for gaming. The PlayStation 5 has now stormed out of the gate, delivering what many have called the first bit of true next-gen innovation in years with the DualSense 5. PC enthusiasts have literally beat each other within an inch of their lives for a 3080. KFC has released what might arguably be the biggest threat to Sony, Microsoft, and really anyone that plans on releasing a console. And, speaking of Microsoft, I think they released something too.
Though, for all of that gaming goodness that will continue to deliver for this (and many) years beyond, I think most would agree that these are a few things within the gaming industry that need to fucking change. Like, now.
6. Massive, Empty Maps
We’re looking at you, Ubisoft. But, if you’re a different developer, not for a second will you be able to fly under the radar with this shit. No one gives a flying fuck if your map is a one-to-one recreation of the continental United States. If there isn’t anything to do within its limits, what the hell is the point? Ubisoft – to their credit – tried to flesh this out more than what was attempted in the past with Assassin’s Creed Valhalla. Keyword; tried. Oh, and Rockstar, for God’s sakes, can you please tell us what in the fuck is going on with Red Dead Online? There was more content in Grand Theft Auto: London 1961. And no, that isn’t a typo.
5. Yearly Sports Game Releases
I know this has been said before. I know. But enough is enough already. And this is coming from a guy that three years ago would have told you to bite a bag of hammers if you suggested taking away my sports games.
I just can’t do it anymore, though. I’m tired of always being promised a steak and being given dog food on whole wheat. I’m tired of getting my hopes up. I’m just tired. Chel sucks. Madden sucks. The NBA 2K franchise has turned into nothing but a virtual casino. Even my beloved MLB The Show is slowing down with tangible, yearly progress. And I would like to say the solution is to take time off every other year, but the fact is, things won’t get better until league rights are shared amongst everybody.
So maybe number five then should actually be “EA Grows a Set, and Welcomes Competition.”
4. Overhyping/Underdelivering
Here’s the thing: Cyberpunk 2077 got fucked over. Like, hard. Developers have come out and said that internally, the game wasn’t supposed to be ready until 2022. And the executives all the while were facing the dilemma of either “release the game now or risk losing the audience you worked nearly a decade to build.” What would you do in this situation?
The answer is it doesn’t fucking matter. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. So here’s an idea to all gaming companies out there: Don’t tout your average game as a revolutionary step forward for the genre. Even if Cyberpunk launched without all of the technical issues, it can’t be denied that the experience itself is decidedly mundane. You’d have more fun discovering your wife was in a three-way with a rodeo clown and his manager. And I haven’t forgotten about you, No Man’s Sky. Or as I like to call it, “No Man Would Ever Want to Play This.”
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