All the Weird and Wrong Things Apple Said During the Arcade Announcement

43:46 “Where Cards Fall tells a very personal coming-of-age story that other publisher wouldn’t take a chance on.” Are you sure? Because I’ve seen very similar games all over every other platform. Publishers like EA and Ubisoft are all about that stuff right now, and Xbox seems particularly interested in bringing unique indie games to Game Pass.

44:04 “There’s no guns, there’s no killing, we’re just telling a story. We’re almost the complete opposite of the current market, and most people typically wouldn’t see it, unless Apple Arcade existed.” You sure, dude?

45:48 “Apple Arcade is about giving developers the freedom to come up with really interesting ideas that could never have been done by the mainstream.” Wow, the hubris on this one. Can someone tell this guy about Katamari Damacy? Also, all of these developers keep acting like Arcade is the last bastion of creative freedom in the gaming industry and I cannot stress enough that that is not true by any means. Between Game Pass, Humble Bundle, and all the big name developers who go off to start their own studios, the indie gaming scene has never had more exposure, content, or clout. Games like Celeste, Undertale, Donut County, Bendy and the Ink Machine, and countless others are dominating so much of gaming culture right now and you don’t even have to look hard to see it.

46:15 “From immersive AR to groundbreaking multiplayer, they’re creating games that have never been possible before.” Where the hell have these people been for the past decade? Even the perpetually successful Pokemon GO was made on top of a game that had already been around for several years. Also, I could be wrong, but I think we’re running out of ground to break in regards to multiplayer. From more conventional stuff like World of Warcraft and Destiny to the avant-garde multiplayer mechanics of Dark Souls, and Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, what could the developers signed by Apple do that has “never been possible before?”

46:22 “These games are insanely fun, and will appeal to the kid in all of us.” There’s a lot to unpack here. First there’s the implication that games are exclusively for kids or are inherently childish, which I assure you automatically raises red flags for basically any adult in the industry who watched this – trust me, this is a notion the community and industry have struggled with for a while, Apple reinforcing it is not helpful to them or the medium in general. It also implies that the majority of their games will be targeted at children, and I’m sure a lot of adults will be into that, myself included, but a lot of players also want genuinely mature and moving stories from their games – also myself included. There’s a reason Red Dead Redemption II and God of War cleaned up at every award show that took place over the next six months, and it’s not just because of their awesome mechanics. They both tell phenomenally rich and emotional stories about people who have really seen some shit and are doing their best to survive and navigate new worlds while taking care of other people. That’s not to say that a children’s game is incapable of doing that or that children are too dumb to understand (see: Toy Story), but a lot of the mature execution and tone is part of what made those games so stellar. And yes, part of it is the violence, but the Disney-fication of violence in modern media is another issue all on its own.

46:31 “With a single subscription, you’ll get access to over one hundred new and exclusive games that will raise the bar for what’s possible in gaming.” Again, no. Not to the “single subscription” part (which is a weird way to word that because I’ve never had to have multiple subscriptions to any service to access its content (also, it basically is a separate subscription, because it’s not included in the same subscriptions that give you News+ and TV+. Why isn’t there a single All-Apple Pass? Dumb.)), but to the “games that will raise the bar in what’s possible for gaming part.” Unless Cyberpunk 2077 is coming to Arcade, get outta my face with that shit.

47:28 “And unlike streaming services, every game will be playable offline.” Wait, what about the groundbreaking multiplayer titles?

When marketing language treats you like you’re stupid, it’s worth analyzing and calling out, lest it continue and be repeated (and it will be, because Apple doesn’t change for any consumer base that is clearly moving away from it because they realized the overpriced tech and lack of value isn’t worth the status symbol). I’m sure a ton of the games on Arcade will be great, and kudos to Apple for finally really getting into the gaming scene! It looks like Arcade will be a great hub for new indie games but as someone who already was not sold on the Apple brand or ecosystem, this didn’t sell me on it either. There’s nothing this service is offering that I can’t get from anywhere else, aside from a handful of indie titles on a platform I already can’t help but neglect no matter how many times I try to get into it (which is mobile in general). I’m sure those who are already indoctrinated will find a lot of value in it and enjoy the titles provided. Who knows? Maybe someday one of my indoctrinated friends will let me try Oceanhorn 2, and then I’ll become…one of them.

**Editor’s note: This article is a personal opinion piece, and does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of COGconnected as a whole.**