Now that you’ve taken the last fifteen minutes to explain those games to your family, the second part of this request can begin. Politely ask the table to refrain from eating while you cover five additional games that make you so incredibly angry you might have a stroke. Thank you for your understanding. Let’s begin:
Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy – The Definitive Edition
I had the honor and privilege of reviewing Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy – The Definitive Edition, and I found myself astounded by it. Rocking our world with a blistering score of 50, there’s no doubt in my mind that Grove Street Games was the right choice to head this project. After all, their stunning mobile renditions of the original 3D Grand Theft Auto games have widely been regarded as the worst versions you could possibly play. Our own Paul Sullivan said it best during a recent episode of COGconnected’s Press X to Podcast; these are developed for next-generation systems yet come across as if they wouldn’t run properly ten years ago.
Outriders
For all the effort Square Enix put into Outriders, it amounted to a whole lot of nothing. Given, Outriders hasn’t been forgotten about at quite the rate that EA/Bioware’s Anthem was, it’s undeniable that a fraction of its initial player base remains invested in it. Sure, the recent DLC saw Outriders’ Steam numbers spike by 1300 percent in the last 30 days. Just bear in mind that it’s amounted to a little over 10,000 players at its peak, with half of those currently remaining.
The point is folks like to try Outriders and then move on quicker than a hiccup.
Battlefield 2042
Speaking of EA, our favorite electronic artists have done it again! Battlefield 2042 has launched, and longtime fans of the series couldn’t be happier with it. Head on over to Metacritic, where you can peruse hundreds of reviews that equal up to 2042’s stellar 2.3 user score. It doesn’t get better than that. And if you’re one of the unlucky many that still has to play on last-gen hardware, good luck.
If Battlefield 2042 will be good for anything this Thanksgiving, there’s no doubt in my mind it’ll be for getting Grandpa to feel young again. Bring some Icy Hot, and let him learn what it is to be alive again with combat about as realistic as aunt Shirlena’s alien abduction story.
Pokemon Briliant Diamond/Shining Pearl
Classic Pokemon nonsense here. Release the same game – twice, mind you – with as little innovation as humanly possible. The putrid chibi art style is deeply aggravating, TMs are single-use once again, the roster is lacking, and the post-game grind isn’t nearly as fun as it should be. Pokemon Arceus is right around the corner, so I can only assume that essentially all hands have been on deck for its release, and Diamond/Pearl was simply a holiday cash grab. We are not thankful for this at all.
Marvel’s Avengers
I know, Marvel’s Avengers didn’t come out in 2021. But, damnit, it’s still profoundly awful, to the point I couldn’t refuse another opportunity to talk a bit of shit about it.
The (much anticipated?) Spider-Man DLC has been confirmed to have no story content tied to it. Brilliant. And hey, look here, the team at Crystal Dynamics has been hard at work pumping the store full of overpriced cosmetics. If you’d like to own each piece of this incredible equipment, it’ll only cost $3400.
Now’s probably the time to ask dad for his credit card.
Thank you for keeping it locked on COGconnected.