Everything From 2022 That Can Totally Get F*cked
It’s that time of year again when we reflect on the past 12 months and all the things that can get absolutely fucked. From crypto and NFT games rearing their ugly heads to corporate greed and controversy, there was no shortage of utter suckage in 2022. As usual, we’ve compiled a list of the top things from last year that were about as fun as soiling yourself. Grab a bowl of popcorn and strap in for a ride through the worst of the worst. At least we have a new year to look forward to, right?
9. Microsoft/Activision Merger Drags On
Microsoft and Activision are pressing the FTC to approve their monumental $68.7 billion acquisition announced in January 2022. Though while legal wars are waged, millions of gamers are left to collectively clench their cheeks in anticipation of the fallout. What may become of fan favorites like Diablo, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, and Overwatch if Microsoft acquires sole ownership of said properties?
Analysts predict Bill Gates to have a full-blown Howard Hughes-esque breakdown if the merger is completed. This would see Gates spending most of the year locked in a room with his games, eating nothing but chicken and chocolate. And there’d be piss jugs everywhere.
8. eFootball 2022
When it came to taking the pitch in 2022, Konami continued to embarrass itself with its disturbing take on soccer. A hollow shell compared to the company’s main competitor Fifa, eFootball has officially ticked off more people than Diego Maradona’s hand ever could. It’s not looking great this year, either, as eFootball 2023 is off to a horrific start.
7. Streamer Controversies
Live gambling leaving people ruined, massive hate raids, and a lot of sweet Saudi cash is the tip of the iceberg when it came to your favorite streamers in 2022. Admittedly, however, I’ll personally be working extra hard to make our list next year. Check out Press X to Podcast on Youtube or Twitch today for our short rise and tremendous fall!
Were you hit by the thunderous wave of layoffs in 2022? You aren’t alone. Media companies worldwide continued to lay off significant chunks of their workforce, some as high as 20% of all staff. That blows. But what doesn’t blow is the satisfaction one can receive courtesy of hopping on a Kawasaki and doing donuts on your boss’ lawn.
The flaming bag of dog shit on the front porch is also a classic and should never be underestimated.
5. Console-Only Cross-Play Options
I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you’ve, at one point or another in 2022, struggled to keep your head above water when wading through the cross-play gaming cesspool. It’s not that I don’t appreciate being able to play with everybody. It’s that we desperately need options to filter out PC (and, in some cases, Switch) players from console lobbies. Here’s to hoping 2023 is the year Sony and Microsoft decide to flip multiple, stiff middle fingers right into the faces of people with keyboards, mice, and shitty hardware.
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