Alone in the Dark
Release Date: January 28th, 2005
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 1%
What’s this? Another Uwe Boll film that completely misses the mark, disrespects its audience, and just isn’t worth your time and money? Alone in the Dark, released in 2005 and starring Christian Slater and Tara Reid, is an endless barrage of stupidity and embarrassment. Somehow, Boll thought that a low-key survival horror game series with interesting psychological themes should be translated into a CG-heavy action movie with car chases, bullet-time shootouts, and sex scenes. It’s almost as if Boll has no idea how to make a good movie or is even willing to understand, in the slightest, the material he’s adapting. Hmmm.
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Release Date: February 27th, 2009
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 6%
The biggest problem with Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is just how gravely uninspiring it is. It lacks energy and momentum, and even though its only 96 minutes long, it feels like it takes an eternity to get there. Kristen Kreuk and Neal McDonough play a decent Chun-Li and M. Bison respectively, but a disjointed plot and poorly staged fight sequences stick out like a sore thumb. It may look better than the cheesy 1994 Street Fighter movie featuring Jean-Claude Van Damme but at least that one is sort of fun to watch. Sort of.
Far Cry
Release Date: October 2nd, 2008
Rotten Tomatoes Score: N/A
Yep, there’s a Far Cry movie and yep, it was made by the one and only Mr. Uwe Boll. Released in 2008 and made with a $30 million budget, Far Cry was a colossal box office bust and critical failure. In its entire run, it made a hilariously low return of $743,634. Yikes, did anyone even get paid for being in this thing? Some may put this one in the upper echelon of Uwe Boll films but really, is there even such a thing? Please Far Cry fans, just stay far (cry) away from it and keep playing Far Cry 5.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Release Date: January 11th, 2008
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 4%
Hey, try this one on for size. Maybe the reason Uwe Boll can’t make a good movie is simply that of funding. Maybe with a higher budget to work with, he can actually make something worth seeing…
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Nope, still bad. Still very, very, very bad. I really often wonder how Boll manages to get big-name actors in his films. Jason Statham, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds (!) all appear in In the Name of the King and it’s honestly painful to see them do their best with this schlocky script. The movie bombed badly at the box office, but Boll still, somehow, against all odds, managed to make two more Dungeon Siege sequels. Persistent fella, isn’t he?
Postal
Release Date: July 21st, 2007
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 7%
Oh, look, another Uwe Boll movie. Just when you think he couldn’t go any lower, here comes Postal. Postal is, without a doubt, the worst video game movie ever made. It’s outlandish, childish, and offensive, which one could argue are the exact same qualities that make up the game its based on. The problem is that Postal was a crap game to begin with, which makes the decision to make a Postal movie that much more bewildering. But I’ve stopped trying to understand Boll’s moviemaking decisions a long time ago. Whatever you do, don’t watch Postal. In fact, it’s for your own good that you stay the hell away from it.
Did one or more of your favourite worst video game movies not make the list? Let us know in the comments section below which films you would’ve added instead. In the end, we’re all just waiting for the day when a video game movie finally gets it right, right? Let’s all agree that every video game movie is bad, okay? (Well, maybe not Silent Hill…shhh!)