List of Things From 2023 That Can Totally Get F*cked

5. Teasers for Games That Are Still Years Away

I get that studios need to build hype for their games, but this is getting out of hand. If you aren’t ready to drop your game within a year, don’t try to sell us a bill of goods. Look at what happened with Cyberpunk. Sure, CD Projekt Red eventually¬†turned things around and delivered a solid product. But its launch was one of the biggest blunders in the history of gaming. This stemmed mainly from over half a decade’s worth of press and hype surrounding its release.

Let’s all agree to pump the brakes on torturing players, mmkay developers?

GTA 6 Trailer Release Date

4. AI Content

It’s not that AI-generated content itself is terrible, but the ramifications of foregoing human emotion in work could be immeasurable. How many people are going to lose their jobs to AI? How long will it be until YOU are out on the street because some uppity robot prick can complete a month’s worth of your workload in the time it takes you to make a Mickey D’s run? I’ve seen “I, Robot.” Will Smith got his ass kicked in that flick, and I’m not about to let the same thing happen to me. I’m putting all my eggs into building the world’s biggest weed farm. Everybody loves puffing the devil’s lettuce, am I right?

steam competitor robot cache

3. Releasing Unfinished Games/Half-Baked Games

I can’t believe I need to even write about this. What has become of this industry? What happened to the GD pride developers used to take in their work? Long gone are the days of ensuring a product was solid before releasing it to the public. Studios are more concerned with getting paid first and possibly delivering the goods down the road second. It’s a business practice that makes me sick, and I’m officially calling for the immediate arrest and prosecution of anyone willing to deceive customers this way. If you don’t care about putting forth your best effort for day one, kick rocks out of the business and go try something a bit more your speed. Like knitting.

2. Microsoft Buying Everything

Don’t blink, or you might miss Microsoft’s next takeover. I suppose getting utterly dummied over the last two console generations has persuaded Microsoft to adjust its game plan. I also have it on good authority that plastered across every inch of the headquarters; you can now find the slogan “If we can’t beat them, buy them.” It won’t be long before Microsoft owns everything you love, including your dog, parents, and iPod. Hold them tightly and tell them you love them while you still can.

Call of Duty Microsoft

1. Layoffs/Studio Closures

Even terrible people like myself feel for those affected by layoffs and studio closures over the last year. I can’t imagine there being anything more frustrating than putting your heart and soul into something, only to be given your walking papers before seeing it through to the end. And given the cold nature of the press releases and statements surrounding these situations, it’s evident that only one thing needs to happen. Folks need to be semi-frequently taking massive dumps on their boss’ desk. If you can get some in their lunch, that’s magic.

My heart goes out to everyone who’s been bit by the unemployment bug, except for those conniving meat wagons at Fntastic. Y’all can get f*cked.

Knockout City

Thank you for keeping it locked on COGconnected.