List of Things From 2023 That Can Totally Get F*cked
Has another year already come and gone? It seems like I was here just yesterday, roasting a plethora of bullshit over an open fire. I think it’s even safe to say that the speed at which time is passing can get f*cked. 2023 was full of peaks and valleys. It was arguably the best year for gaming in a decade. Though, things can’t possibly be good all the time. Every now and then, you get a kick in the groin with your ice cream—or divorce papers handed to you by your wife’s boyfriend. But I digress.
The following is a list of everything from the past year that encompasses the lowest points of the gaming industry. Come along as we cover everything from 2023 that can totally get f*cked.
9. Forced Crossplay in Call of Duty
Boy, this was a genius idea. Who thought forcing console players to wade through a knee-deep pool of PC player sweat would be sweet? Clearly, an individual both sick in the head and frustrated with their love life. You’d have to be a sadist to enjoy forcing crossplay in games. Though, I suppose you could be a masochist and still derive a sick sense of pleasure from it. In fact, inflicting self-punishment is probably why you’re reading this article. Take a stroll through the park. Try yoga. Start one of those lame-ass stamp collections. But, for the love of God, stop contributing to this nonsense.
Speaking of things you need to stop contributing to, number nine on our list of things that can totally get f*cked is microtransactions. Stand up, walk to the bathroom mirror, and slowly repeat the mantra, “I will not waste money on microtransactions this year.” Do that roughly 7500 times. It’s unacceptable how invasive microtransactions have become. Too many games have become pay-to-win shitshows that reward those players with the fattest wallets and not the most skill. What happened to the good old days of making someone cry simply because you’re better than them? You never know what you have ’til it’s gone…
7. The Day Before
If you were a victim of “The Day Before,” my condolences go out to you and your family. For years, The Day Before firmly sat at the top of many hopefuls’ most-wanted lists, becoming the most wish-listed game on Steam during development. But, as time passed, The Day Before started to feel like it was too good to be true. An unsettling air grew around the game each time new information was released. By the time The Day Before landed in December 2023, most had written it off as a complete scam.
Sure enough, it was. The Day Before launched and was quickly regarded as the equivalent of video game manure. It was so bad developers Fntastic pulled the plug on all future support mere days after launch. Though, you’d be hard-pressed to find a single soul that doesn’t believe this was Fntastic’s plan all along. They got their pre-order payments and made off like thieves in the night. Anyone involved in The Day Before’s creation should be ashamed of themselves, and I hope Santa brought you gonorrhea for Christmas.
6. Forced Online-Only for Single-Player Games
What is this crap? For Pete’s peppers, why in the hell would I ever need to remain connected to an online server during a single-player campaign?! I’m convinced Lucifer himself is influencing these decisions. Who else would ever think forcing this hot garbage upon people was a logical idea? The next time I’m disconnected from a game I’m playing solo, I’m putting my head through the wall. Though, let’s be honest; I’m probably the one who should get f*cked for continuing to play Diablo IV.
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