The 5 Best Pokemon to Eat For Christmas Dinner
With the exception of Pikachu and maybe that one talking Meowth, Pokemon aren’t your friends. Let’s be honest. They’re slaves, dragged out of their physical and psychological prisons simply to fight for your amusement. Slavery is very obviously wrong, and I think they should all be set free – directly into a pan to be roasted for Christmas dinner. Look, I know, murder isn’t exactly the best option for your little poke-pals, but at least they won’t be subjected to torture each and every day. With the holidays rapidly approaching, here’s a delicious meal of the best pokemon to eat for christmas dinner, along with their preferred preparation.
Krabby Cakes
Our meal begins with succulent, juicy, and deliciously salty Krabby meat, combined to culinary perfection with a blend of spices from the Kanto region. The tender cakes are held together by handmade mayonnaise with real Togepi yolk – yeah they’re endangered or some garbage, but they taste good! Your fancy friends will be smacking their chompers at the sight of this first course. What, pray tell, is next?
Rattatatouille
Let’s be honest, those damn Rattata are all over the place. Clogging up Route, well, all of them, and attacking your level 94 Charizard while it frolics in the tall grass. Get outta here, you dirty rats! Our second course thins the herd, literally, by thinly slicing the Rattata and roasting them along with various vegetables – a Pokemon master needs vitamins, too!
Mereep Chops with Mint Jelly
Mareep are renowned for their tangy flesh – a side effect of their electric type. Their fatty, delicious chops are the standout cut, best roasted whole with Mint jelly on the side. As an alternative, consider cracking open a Metapod and basting the roast with their syrupy juice.
Pro tip: Level up your Mareep to feed a larger crowd, but don’t let them evolve into Flaafy! The meat gets stringy and loses that signature spark.
Psyduck à l’orange
You might be thinking: “aren’t Psyduck stressed all the time? Wouldn’t their meat be horrible and tough?” That’s precisely what they want you to think. Prepared traditionally à l’orange, Psyduck is a true culinary marvel without doubt one of the best pokemon to eat. You’ll be amazed as your guests literally come to blows over who’ll get to bite into that last juicy eyeball. Yummy!
Karp ‘n Krisps
Not a duck person? We can all at least agree that Magikarp is completely useless, and the payoff for evolving it isn’t worth the pain and suffering. Just batter and deep fry the bug eyed moron! Splash indeed! This easy and quick alternative can be presented inside a roll of newspaper alongside Poffins. It’s a perfect casual holiday meal that’ll more than satisfy the kids in attendance.
Alcremie Puffs
Recently discovered in the Galar region, Alcremie is the Pokechef’s best pal. These amazing Pokemon are actually more valuable alive than cooked! You see, Alcremie produces an endless supply of dairy products (yes, produces), is a very talented pastry cook, and wouldn’t bat an eye at you eating Kangaskhan’s baby for lunch. She also has berries for ears, so combining those, uh, talents we come to our final course: Alcremie Puffs.
Pro tip: If you’re too much of a scrub to get to the Galar region, feel free to substitute Miltank products as needed.
There you have it. A perfect holiday meal featuring the very best Pokemon to eat. If you’re more interested in being the very best rather than eating the very best, check out our review of Pokemon Sword and Shield. Which Pokemon would you devour? Let us know in the comments below, or tell me on Twitter!