Ten 2020 Movies You Might Want to Skip

The New Mutants (April 03)

So, fun fact about this entry. This movie has shown up on every single entry to my end of year list and this is now the SEVENTH release date that has been attached to this movie. The stars of the movie have no idea when it’s coming out, the ad campaign is the exact same as it was last year, ie, a poster with a date that may or may not actually be a release day, and I can’t believe this is still on the slate for anything.

What the hell is happening? The only thing I’m betting on with this one is that April 3rd will come and go and there will be no New Mutants for us to see. One of the 2020 movies you’ll be forced to skip? It’s the film version of a train wreck, ladies and gentlemen.

Wonder Woman 1984 (June 05)

Yeah, yeah, sharpen the pitchforks. While the first Wonder Woman had one of the strongest second acts you could ask for, it was also bookended by a slapstick first act and arguably the worst third act in any comic book movie ever. So, having completely lost the momentum off of the craze that surrounded the first WW, WB decides to roll out the sequel after the abomination that was Justice League. I mean, I could be wrong here, but this has ‘hot mess’ written all over it.

Just so we’re all on the same page, in the first movie, Zeus is responsible for creating Earth, Hades kills Zeus, and Diana kills Hades, meaning she’s at least as strong as the creator of the world. But then she struggles to fight a random monster in Batman vs. Superman and is almost completely depowered in Justice League so Flash and Cyborg could get more screen time. Which brings us to the trailer of 1984 as Wonder Woman makes short work of everyone and everything and even Tarzan swings off of lightning bolts as they flash across the sky.

So, I don’t get it. How powerful is she? Is she a god who can catch lightning bolts on a whim or is she kinda of strong and struggles with the minions of Steppenwolf? Can she harness the power that created the world or is Kristen Wiig in leopard print going to pummel her? Does anyone even try to read these scripts before they go before the camera or is it just a free for all over at Warner Brothers? Anyway, couldn’t care less about this one. Next.

Free Guy (July 03)

I have a conflicted relationship with the trailer of Free Guy. First off, it has the beloved Ryan Reynolds in it who can pretty much do no wrong. Second off, this movie looks like one of the worst things I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait to watch it.

What a silly, ridiculous, over the top, nonsensical action film set inside a video game. At no point does this setup even start to make sense but I somehow can’t tear my eyes away. I am fully aware that I will probably leave that theater shaking my head in disgust and yet I hunted down the release date so I can be sure to be there on opening night. I’m not sure if this movie appeals to my love of shitty action films or if it’s appealing to the ‘what happens to NPCs’ part of my brain, but you should definitely not spend your money and go see this one. I mean, I’m going to, but you definitely shouldn’t.

Jungle Cruise (July 24)

We all know Disney is the biggest name in the game right now and after the success and eventual demise of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, it’s surprising that they didn’t try to capitalize on more rides sooner.

Though, given what I’m seeing here, maybe trying to make a franchise out of a ride is harder than it looks. Yes, there’s the unparalleled charm of The Rock and Emily Blunt, but oh my do they have precious little to work with. First, I cannot stand the Rube Goldberg action sequence. They’re ridiculous and very unentertaining but I suppose this is what you get from the movie that’s supposed to take over for Pirates. Second, The Rock spends half the trailer haggling price for safe passage and let me tell you, it doesn’t work well the first time so it really didn’t work well the fourth time. Maybe the kiddos will eat this one up but I’m going to stay far away.