The Useless Sidekicks
11) Donald and Goofy from Kingdom Hearts
The Disney lover and child in me hates to say anything bad about Donald Duck or Goofy, but then again, the other child in me who played Kingdom Hearts as a kid says “Have at it!” when I remember how much they annoyed me in battle. They stick by our side throughout an entire campaign, and while it feels good to have company as we explore different lands and hack away at the Heartless, they’re not exactly the strongest of candidates. They die quickly after only a few hits, defend themselves poorly, and cannot be counted on to help you out in any way should you start struggling in battle. You basically serve as their sugar daddy for health potions, which they have no qualms with using up liberally. Finally, they have the same bloodcurdling shrieks that they repeat in every single fight that will make you want to pull your hair out once you hear them for the thousandth time. Don’t believe me? Play this on repeat.
12) Ashley from Resident Evil 4
I would be remiss if I did not mention one of the most memorably helpless and incapable people in virtually of all gaming: Ashley Graham. We rescue her from a group of cultists and are forced to babysit her thereafter — meaning every two seconds, we hear her screaming our name and have to turn around and shoot the guys whose shoulder she is slung over. While her circumstances garner her a little bit of pity, it doesn’t make up for her complete lack of ability to defend herself or even just run away from guys trying to kidnap her. Oh, and the whiny, immature personality doesn’t exactly help either.
13) Basically anyone from Call of Duty
If you’ve ever played through a Call of Duty campaign, you’ll notice that even if you sit behind cover for a few minutes and let the battle play out on its own, you can pop your head up again and find almost exactly the same amount of enemies left standing as when you dipped out. This is because your AI teammates are basically just props that block you from using certain spaces for cover and fire blanks from their gun to make it look like they’re participating. Now, I don’t blame the developers for wanting the player to do all the work in a first person shooter game, it’s just worth noting that if you’re ever struggling and wishing your team would step up and do something, they won’t. Just let that dream die.
What do you think? Did we miss any memorable sidekicks? Tell us in the comments below.