The Punchable Sidekicks
8) Sticky from Fallout 3
Sticky is a 16-year-old kid who will join your party if you find him in Little Lamplight, and he will not leave your side until you escort him to Big Town; the place where all the kids from Little Lamplight go when they come of age. The whole time he follows you, he obnoxiously says, “Why is this taking so long?” and “Are we there yet?” He contributes nothing as a follower as he has no useful skills, and when he gets bored from how long you’re taking to get him where he demands to go, he chatters to himself and makes up stupid stories that will irritate you so much you’ll want to slap that goddamn party hat off his little head.
9) Lydia from Skyrim
Alright, so maybe I’ve had you until this point. Maybe up until you now you’ve been on my side, and this is probably where I’m bound to find some dissenters. Lydia is one of the first followers and housecarls you will acquire during your first playthrough of Skyrim, and she is appointed to you when you receive the title of Thane of Whiterun. She doesn’t stack up too high against stronger followers like Cicero or Serana, and is hell-bent on getting in the way and blowing our cover every single time. While plenty of people find her attractive, lovable and useful as a companion, there are still a lot of us that want to set her on fire every time she sarcastically says, “I am sworn to carry your burdens…” To her credit, she is a loyal, strong-headed lass who never shies away from a battle, but every time she complains about carrying a few extra pounds of the worthless crap I’ve hoarded and refuse to let go of, I want to Fus Ro Dah her ass off a cliff.
10) Natalya from GoldenEye 007
Natalya belongs both in this category and the one below. She is without a doubt the biggest test of patience from almost any follower you’ll ever be stuck with in your life. She has a natural talent for lagging behind, not helping, and walking casually through streams of bullets without a shred of awareness and a complete lack of will to live. Her preservation is literally essential to the progress of the game, and she seems determined to make that a challenge for you. But, even though she constantly dies from walking in front of enemy guns or comically times her steps until you fire a bullet from yours, at least she dies doing what she loves: getting in the fucking way.
