The NES mega-hit Mike Tyson’s Punch Out is the quintessential underdog story in gaming. It’s a tale of facing utter defeat, facing defeat again, and getting defeated so many times that you finally rage quit. It’s the game that inevitably gets brought up in conversation at any given social gathering, “Omg, that games the best!” can usually be heard from the mouth’s of gamers and non-gamers alike. Punch Out humbled me in my come-up as a gamer, I used to believe I was an unstoppable gaming force, conquering every video game that I could afford. Mike Tyson’s virtual iteration of a thriving combat sport would be no different. I grabbed a copy, huffed a bit of air into the console, you know, because that’s what you did with Nintendo’s back then, and my journey to dethrone Iron Mike from the championship title began.
The beginning was great, I lost a few rounds just getting the hang of each fighters unique style. The game’s all about finding the opponent’s rhythm and exposing their weakness, little cues in their facial expressions would serve as early warnings to their next move. I worked my way through the fighters, all the way up to Mr. Sandman, the third last boss. This was the first time I got humbled. He put a hurt on me so bad that I walked away. I came back and played from time to time, but I never had the heart to work my way back through the ranks.
Days turned into months and months turned into years. One day, I was hanging out with a few friends and we started discussing Punch Out. Afterwards, I felt all inspired and re-energized, so I decided to give it another shot. Having experienced consoles like Sega Genesis, PlayStation and Dreamcast I was instilled with a false sense of confidence that I could revisit Punch Out, a primitive title compared to the modern standards of today and take that belt from Tyson. My second time around, I managed to take down Mr. Sandman with relative ease and it felt great. He was still difficult but wasn’t as tough as I thought he would be. Next was Super Macho Man. Lucky for me, he wasn’t that hard to figure out and I managed to take him out with very little frustration. Now, it was time for the dream fight against… Mr. Dream? So, it seems I was playing the re-released version after their contract expired with the real Mike. Anyways, this new champ was going down for a full ten.
This was the second time in gaming where I got humbled. Mike Tyson, erm… I mean Mr.Dream, brutalized me till I quit. Once again, I walked away from the classic NES game, filled with shame and regret. I had a ton of other first person shooters to play and I felt it was time to move on. So, here I am today admitting that I have never beaten Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. I throw myself at the mercy of the crowd. I’ve decided to finally knock this one off the list, it’s been too long and I hate not having the satisfaction of completing one of my favorite games. Right now, I’m going to share my road to victory with you all.
The Minor Circuit
The first batch of fighters were a breeze. Glass Joe should be called Glass Jaw. He’s a bum, a nobody, ineffectively dodging my flurry of punches. He quickly falls apart like a stone passing through a window. Von Kaiser from Germany steps in the ring next. This is an easy TKO, just dodge his uppercuts and alternate left and right punches to his head. Piston Honda is the last fighter in this circuit, he’s one of the few fighters able to avoid your attacks. Take him down with a well-timed gut punch during a special move, he tries to get up after but stays down for the count.
The Major Circuit
The Major Circuit is slightly tougher, but not by much. Don Flamenco can prance around all he wants, I know he waits for my punch before he strikes, dodge, then follow with a counter. After Don, it was King Hippo, the most iconic figure next to Mike Tyson. Obviously, weight classes don’t apply in this league but what should I expect from a game with Mario as the referee? When Hippo opens his mouth, aim for the face then work the exposed band-aid. The first time he falls, he goes down hard and stays down. Next in line is the Great Tiger, with his magic wielding head garments. Hey Mario, how is that not cheating? When his gem flashes, he’s coming for you, block his special until he’s stunned and give him a hit to the face. Bald Bull is the reigning champion of the Major Circuit, battle him till he launches his special, when he charges at you, time a hit into his stomach and he’ll fall down.
World Circuit
Now we’re in the big leagues, starting off with a rematch against Piston Honda. It came as no surprise that he fell like a sack of bricks. Next came Soda Popinski from Russia, who appears to be enjoying his pop a little too much. I have a feeling that there’s something stronger than soda in that bottle. Soda Popinski gives himself away with the movement of his hands before a punch. Follow up with a dodge, counter, then throw your special in when you can. When Soda fell, I faced two more rematches from Bald Bull and Don Flamenco. The same techniques from earlier were used to pummel them down. One would think they would change their style to keep me guessing, but it seems as if they need to replace their training coaches.
Now, all that was left between me and the title were two fights, my old arch-nemesis Mr.Sandman and Super Macho Man. It took many tries to re-figure out Sandman’s style. After taking a deep breath, I stepped back and really took notice of his habits. He launches a series of jabs first, dodge and punch only once until he begins to throw his hooks. At this point, you can swing for the face, which will automatically prompt him to hook, follow up with a dodge, punch the face once, then three times in the midsection. Rinse and repeat. Super Macho Man is totally undeserving of the honour of second last boss, he throws a mean haymaker for a special but it’s a slow wind-up, giving you ample time to react. It’s as easy as evading his repetitive swings until his signature move wears out. Wait till he throws a normal punch, then work his face.
The Dream Fight
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. A gaming legacy years in the making that I wish to pass down to my future grandchildren, is about to become set in stone. Kid Dynamite AKA Mike Tyson steps into the ring. Truth be told, I did rage quit a few times. I had to write down the code to face him again, so I could collect my emotions and return on another day. In the first round, all it takes is one punch to drop you and there’s very little warning when it comes. I guess this is the most realistic part of the game because if I took one slug from Iron Mike in real life, I’d collapse just as quickly. Around the two minute mark, Tyson will start to throw normal punches and this is your chance to strike. When he raises his eyebrows, throw a jab to earn a star and hit your special. When Tyson punches, quick dodge and unleash your attacks on his face.
Winner By Decision
After hours of studying his movements like a hawk, I managed to time my evading effectively and sent him down to the ground twice. All I had to do was avoid contact enough times to run out the clock. He hit me with a tirade of punches that drained my health bar almost completely. Then, like sunlight piercing through a cloudy sky, the third round bell sang. Mario walked up and by decision Mac was declared the victor! My heart almost stopped beating at the intensity of the fight, my palms were drenched in sweat and I was so close to leaving it all and forgetting this game ever existed. Now, I stand before you overflowing with pride to announce that my journey to beat, quite possibly the most difficult game i’ve ever played, has come to an end. I can now lay this NES title down to rest, never to return… unless it comes up in conversation again.