We know this isn’t our normal coverage but in the spirit of covering all things awesome we’re branching out! Comic books, movies, video games… they all go hand in hand as some of the best, or worst, that geek culture has to offer. In the age of at least two comic book movies a summer, we’re being bombarded by an endless train of superheroes and their mighty deeds. As huge comic fans, we love this! But with so many out there, we’ve gotten into many arguments over the years about which were better or worse than the others. In the spirit of setting things straight we’ve compiled a list of the modern CBM’s, using the first X-Men as a jump off point and moving forward. We know how much everyone loves lists. There are 47 in total, so this will be done in increments.
*Disclaimer* We have included the first Blade because we felt it captured the tone of the modern era despite being a couple of years behind X-Men. Also, we only used superhero comics, so yes, there are a few adapted comics we did not include. A special nod is being given to 300, Sin City and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World which weren’t included on this list, but would have been up near the top if they had been… because, BAD ASS.
Be sure to let us know what you think down in the comments section too… what will number one be? Is Punisher: War Zone really THAT bad? Stay tuned for part two coming at you real soon!
47 – Punisher: War Zone
Starting off with a real dud, this was somehow both over and under acted at the same time and the only thing positive to say about this is that it had the mega level of violence I expected from a Punisher movie. Now, does anyone know any memory wiping techniques so we can forget seeing this?
Box Office – Domestic: $8.05, Worldwide: $10.1
46 – Fantastic Four
Hilariously bad effects, hilariously sad attempts at acting and hilariously poor casting made this movie a dreary entry and effectively killed any and all love for the Fantastic Four. Hilariously bad move is hilarious! HILARIOUS.
Box Office – Domestic: $154.6, Worldwide: $330.5
45 – Elektra
Take everything bad about Daredevil, add in ludicrous villains and a child star (coincidence that children in leads almost always end up with a bad movie?), and Elektra was a picture perfect example of what happens when you force a sequel that no one was asking for.
Box Office – Domestic: $24.4, Worldwide: $56.6
44 – Ghost Rider
With a big budget and a lot of hype, this turned into a long weekend winner and set an opening weekend record. Translation, there were A LOT of angry people walking out of theaters that weekend. Unbearably bad with plot holes bigger than the hole in our ozone layer, watching this was like having rusty nails driven into your eyes. With no redeeming qualities, it says a lot that this isn’t lower on the list.
Box Office – Domestic: $115.8, Worldwide: $228.7
43 – Jonah Hex
‘Merica! Confederates? ‘Merica! Megan Fox! That’s pretty much the summary of this over laden piece of garbage. I still think Josh Brolin has earned his dues, though, even if this movie and Oldboy are really testing them. It’s too bad because as comic books to movies go, Vertigo’s ‘Jonah Hex’ had more potential than a lot of others on this list.
Box Office – Domestic: $10.5, Worldwide: $10.9
42 – Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Somehow Fox OK’d a sequel to a movie we ranked even worse than this one and it was a chance to redeem the franchise by introducing the Silver Surfer and Galactus. Unfortunately, the writing was just as bad as that first one, the acting somehow even worse and even with the Silver Surfer and Galactus, Dr. Doom was still the villain for some reason. Best thing to be said about this one? ‘The Silver Surfer was pretty cool’.
Box Office – Domestic: $131.9, Worldwide: $289
41 – Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
With all the subtlety and nuance you’d expect from the directors of Crank coupled with a ‘Wicker Man’ level Nicholas Cage performance, it’s only a miracle this didn’t turn out worse than it was… and it was really bad. You’ve got a flaming skull demon ripping around on a motorcycle, WHICH IS ALSO ON FIRE, and it still stinks. How does that even happen?
Box Office – Domestic: $51.7, Worldwide: $132.5
40 – Kick Ass 2
This is a sad example of a movie trying so hard to be cool that what happened instead was a disastrous, almost unwatchable mess. We couldn’t have cared less about anything that was happening on screen. In fact it actually leeched just a little bit of the love we had for the original Kick Ass right out of us. Not even Hit Girl’s wondrous potty mouth was enough to save it from itself.
Box Office – Domestic: $28.7, Worldwide: $60.7
39 – Green Lantern
When we first started discussing this list we automatically put Ryan Reynolds performance as Hal Jordan right at the bottom. After some late night roundtables fueled by whiskey and bad decisions we found eight movies more horrible than this but it’s still pretty bad. Big budget effects only hindered this character and plot addled script where an intergalactic cop responsible for protecting dozens of star systems can’t find a guy in a wheelchair on Earth. Silly, stupid, flat and boring, Green Lantern had us laughing at how bad it was… not enough to get into the “so bad it’s good” category, though.
Box Office – Domestic: $116.6, Worldwide: $219.8
38 – Blade: Trinity
This was actually a giant three coil steamer of a movie. So, why isn’t this lower on the list? “Cock juggling thunder cunt”. Now let’s never speak of it again.
Box Office – Domestic: $52.4, Worldwide: $128.9
37 – Spider-Man 3
This was officially the low point of the series. How low? Despite earning nearly $350 million domestically, Sony opted to reboot the franchise instead of allowing the series to continue after this one. Could it have really been that bad? Harry hits his head, gets “short term memory loss” and forgets that his dad had died… many years ago. Also, “dig on this”. It was that bad.
Box Office – Domestic: $336.5, Worldwide: $890.8