Seven Superstars That’ll Knock Your Socks Off in WWE 2K26
If you missed my blisteringly successful list of the seven most devastating superstars in WWE 2K25 last year, don’t fret. We’re running it back to celebrate WWE 2K26, and this time around, no punches will be pulled, not a kiss my ass club will be joined. If your favorite didn’t make the list, it’s only because your favorite is a dusty, crusty juggler that couldn’t polish the jocks of those who inhabit it. These are seven athletes who embody what it means to achieve peak physical performance both in the ring and out. Grown men weep, women create oceans, when they arrive on the scene. If you’re finding yourself struggling in WWE 2K26, you know the drill. Choose any one of the following and guarantee yourself a win. Or don’t, and remain mediocre.
7. Bill Goldberg
Look, Bill Goldberg brings a combination of size and speed to the ring that you could only ever dream of. Bill Goldberg beat 173 men in a row, and it was actually legit. And, most importantly, according to rumor and innuendo, Bill Goldberg possesses a hog that’s putting this year’s Kentucky Derby participants to shame. Bill Goldberg is a man who doesn’t take kindly to being left on the bench, so pick Bill Goldberg, lest you end up getting kicked in the side of the head by Bill Goldberg on a routine spot. Spear, Jackhammer, 1-2-3. What more do you want?
6. Hank Walker
This hillbilly is as lethargic and hee-haw dimwitted as the day is long, but I’ll be damned if Hank Walker doesn’t deserve your attention. Hailing from South Carolina and adept at nothing, Hank Walker isn’t going to win any spelling bees in the near future, but what he will do is bring you the W if you can learn to control this wild beast. The right trigger helps you reach the “H” section of the character select screen faster, just FYI.
5. “Badd Ass” Billy Gunn
“Badd Ass” Billy Gunn is a man who loves asses and can’t get enough asses. And I think that’s what makes him so successful. Having signed a legends contract in 2021, Mr. Ass can appear in WWE games despite being held hostage by the son of the Jacksonville Jaguars’ owner. If that doesn’t convince you to pick him, maybe this little blerp from his diddy of a theme song will:
“So many asses, so little time
Only a tight one can stop me on a dime
I’m a lover of every kind
The best surprises always sneak up from behind”
4. Road Dogg
Okay, and I’m not talking about the Road Dogg Jesse James, no, no. The number four selection of this year’s draft goes to the head of creative, looks-about-80, cried when R-Truth was fired, Road Dogg. What a beauty. Existing solely to help 2K pad the roster, Road Dogg has precisely one shake, rattle, and roll left in him before he crumbles to dust and floats off into the wind. Let’s make it a good one, y’all.
3. The Boogeyman
Defying all logic and sensibility, the Boogeyman has once again found himself on a WWE 2K roster. Here’s the thing, though – eating worms and cracking clocks over your head will always be cool. It was in style twenty years ago, and it’s in style now. More so, if anything. Once I accepted this, the Boogeyman opened up to me, and I began to understand how to better utilize his character. Before I knew it, I was main-eventing WrestleMania and proving to everyone that just because I lied about my age on 2004’s Tough Enough season doesn’t mean I didn’t have what it takes.
2. Bronze Breakker
If you show up to a fight and your opponent is a bronze statue, what the hell are you going to do? If your answer is anything other than “piss myself,” you’re lying. Pick Bronze Breakker, make Uncle Scott proud, and show everyone in WWE 2K26 that not only does size matter, but so does being a fully-functioning human made out of bronze.
1. Trick Williams
Just like last year, there was never any doubt, was there? Trick Williams has arrived, baby, hot ‘n fresh with a spicy, two-piece lemon shhhteppa combo that’s undoubtedly got your girl grabbing her phone and running to the bathroom. Just be sure to go ahead and update Trick Willy’s overall to 99; at the moment, there’s a known bug that has it at 80-something. She’s been in there for a while now. Maybe go and check on her?
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