They are the inescapable scourge of every video game website and forum on the planet… fanboys. Have an opinion? They will attempt to rip you to shreds with false logic, denial and loud cries filled with clichéd leet speak. How do we defend ourselves against these Neanderthals of the gaming world? Well, you don’t. Let’s face it, they aren’t going anywhere. Your best defense is to try, no matter how difficult it might be, to ignore them. Ignore that part of you that wants to fill them in on just how stupid they really are because all it does is bring you to their level. After all, if you do give in, it’s the digital equivalent of slapping a grizzly bear in the face with a fresh salmon and they will maul you with idiocy and childlike name calling. If you don’t understand where we’re coming from here then you yourself might be a fanboy. All in all we can’t stand fanboys, in fact we hate them about as passionately as they blindly love their nerd-vice of choice. Here’s five reasons why any real gamer should hate fanboys too.
THEY MAKE GAMERS LOOK UNEDUCATED AND CHILDISH
Go ahead and pop into the comments section of basically anything game related to see a bevy of examples backing up this statement. Alongside the odd well thought out and rational response is the usual onslaught of cussing, poor spelling and insults. Do I really need to be told by some guy that I should ‘go slip my dick into my PS4 if I love it so much, PC MASTER RACE’?  It’s true; I’m not making this up. Someone said that. Anyone who is mildly interested in gaming culture who has half a brain will see this sort of behaviour and think that we’re either a rabid herd of 10 year olds with no right to use a keyboard without parental supervision or recently escaped mental patients. The fact is that the console wars as they’re called are less a war over sales and more a war of drones hurling insults back and forth at each other. If the two biggest companies in the game can congratulate each other on their respective releases why can’t you sheep get over it too?
SUCCESS OF A SINGLE COMPANY OVER MANY IS BAD FOR THE INDUSTRY
Let’s envision for a moment that Microsoft, Sony or Nintendo were able to eliminate the other two competitors in the console field and be the sole console maker on the market. If you wanted to play games you would be force fed whatever they wanted to feed you. You’d shut up and like it too because what choice would you have? There’s a saying that’s been around for many years and it’s a simple one: competition breeds excellence. If these cult-level enthusiastic fanboys had their way and their single gaming platform was the only one to rise out of the console war ashes then this golden age of gaming would die. Competition forces these companies to make better products. I HOPE YOU LIKE KILLZONE YOU BASTARDS BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY FPS YOU GET TO PLAY NOW! I shudder at the thought and not because I dislike Killzone, as a matter of fact I quite like it, but I’ll be damned if I don’t want to play some Halo too.
FANBOYS ARE OFTEN TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THEY’RE FANBOYS
Much to the surprise of fanboys worldwide it IS possible for someone to like many things instead of just one. It IS possible for someone to like something and take issue with a certain aspect of it. If said person was to make a completely unbiased and relevant statement about what they didn’t like about a product the usual immediate response from a dedicated fanboy would logically be ‘OMG, you must be an XXXXX fanboy! Don’t you know that XXXXX is the best EVER?! Hahaha, lolz…. NOOB!’. Wait, WHAT? If that’s not an instance of the old adage of the pot calling the kettle black then I don’t know what is. Time and again you’ll see cases where a rampant and drooling fanboy will be calling out the other primal tribe all while being completely oblivious that he is part of the problem, not the solution. It makes it nearly impossible for a rational human being to comment or have an opinion without fear of a nerd attack.
RESPONDING WITH FACTS AND LOGIC IS MET WITH IDIOCY AND REPETITIVENESS
Fanboys are often so wrapped up in their undying support for their priceless things that even when presented with compelling arguments full of facts, logic or charts and goddamn graphs they still refuse to let up on their bias. They will defend to the very death their chosen love and ignore anything and everything that says otherwise regardless of its validity. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not the school system is failing our youth then this is proof positive that it is. Who needs facts when you can rant and rave, often completely unintelligibly (I’ll wait for the fanboys reading this and seething right now to look this one up on Webster’s… screw it I’ll help the idiots out with a HYPERLINK), for hours on end with no actual factual information? It’s maddening to the educated gamer who is capable of engaging in thoughtful debate to see a thread taken over by a digital caveman.
REAL GAMERS JUST WANT GREAT GAMES
If you’re a tried and true real gamer you might have a preference of which console you like most (I know I do) but you want to see everyone do well. The more great games that sell the more great games we’ll have in development. If everyone does well then you will have mountains upon mountains of amazing experiences just waiting for you to get your grubby gamer paws on. You’ll have a new Super Mario Galaxy on your Wii U, you’ll have the next Nathan Drake adventure on your PS4, you’ll have the most badass looking next-gen version of Marcus Fenix on the planet on your Xbox One, and hell you’ll likely have another WoW expansion on the way for your PC. Look at all the fun you’ll have if you just broaden your horizons! Sadly, in the mind of a dedicated fanboy, only Nathan (or Marcus, whatever, I’m not picking sides obviously) will have a chance to shine while the rest crumble at his feet. What a shame to see such narrow mindedness seep into a culture that truly relies on success across all mediums.
